Letting go of Fear

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

I have been struggling with fear and discouragement lately. I was passed over for a job, which would have been perfect for us. I haven't heard back from another. And I feel like a FAILURE.  With all the violence against officers lately the hubs leaving for work is a huge source of fear for me. HUGE. Sometimes I don't even get to sleep until he is home, which leaves me exhausted. I worry about the world our babies are growing up in. Will there even be a safe place for them when they are older?

But, I know that God is there and  I am trying to give my fear and failures to him. Trying but not quite succeeding...yet. It definitely has a grip on me. So I turn to this verse, this silly little verse that my babies memorized for bible camp and still run around the house saying. And I cry. Because sometimes that's what it takes. I have to break down and realize I can't handle this by myself.

So today I am letting go.

I need to use my camera more!

I love reading everyones blogs, where they include photos of their life or other things which interest them. And everyone seems to have such great photo taking abilities, where as my camera is always set to auto. I have just never taken the time to figure the darn thing out! I guess now that everything is starting to green up it is time to learn!

I just finished my second day with Miss Jillian Michaels. I think she hates me. I don't know why, I think I am pretty likable, but she insists on making things painful for me. Yesterday we Banished Fat together and today we Shredded like no ones business! My arms are shaking and my thighs hurt, and yet I keep coming back for more. Oh well, I'm a glutton for punishment I suppose!

Tomorrow my husband will be attending a retirement party for one of his coworkers. Unfortunately that means he will be running into a badge bunny* who has been pursuing him. And I will be sitting in a Love and Logic course so I can't be there to glare at her ;-). I just don't get it. There are plenty of single troopers on the force, why my husband? He thinks it is harmless, that she is just being friendly, but I am a woman, and I know the games some women play. I know I have nothing to worry about and I trust him completely. Is it bad to hope she eats some bad eggs or something in the morning and can't make it!?

*Badge Bunny: A female that goes out only with cops and firemen.

Whew!

I don't know what it is. I haven't had much going on lately, but I feel like I have been going non stop! I do have a little to brag about though! I have been eating clean using this book for 2 weeks and have lost 9 lbs. I'm sure it is from the initial shock to my body that I am not subsisting on carbs and dairy, but I'll take it! I never lose weight this fast, normally 9 lbs would take me 3+ months. I had my husband and children all weigh themselves to make sure the scale hadn't broken before I did my happy dance!

Next week I am going to start incorporating some workouts, and in March the hubs and I are staring P90X again. I totally recommend it. You don't see much move on the scale, but the measuring tape sure shows that it is working. It is hard, and I can't do it unless the hubs is with me and pushing me, but I feel great afterward.

Sill on the look out for a bulldog puppy. The hubs ripped out a photo of one and posted it on the fridge for me. Sometimes to screw with him I talk to it in a puppy voice! And I renamed our cat Roscoe, which is what I will call my dog when I get it. Everyone in the house looks at me like I'm crazy, maybe that will persuade them to just get me a puppy already!

Had to share this

In which I try to not lose my mind

I am applying for a job. I have not worked for the past 1.5 years, and I miss it. Now don't get me wrong, I love being home with my babies but there is something about work that centers me. It is only a part time job, and the hours will allow for the hubs to be home so no daycare. But I am so nervous. What if I don't get it, make a horrible first impression, or worse yet get hired and fail. My overactive imagination it taking control and I am trying fervently to reign it in. I wrote my cover letter last night, am preparing my resume and have almost completed the application. Bonus points for buying a new interview outfit too!

Saturday I turned a quarter century. I am now officially closer to 30 than 20. My husband lovingly refers to me as the older woman, his cougar... we're a month apart. My very best girlfriend came and spent the weekend with me and it was fantastic. We didn't do much, but just having her here was so very awesome.

I am becoming more domesticated as the months go on. My house is clean now at least 95% of the time, which is a major improvement! Laundry is still the bane of my existence. I'm working on that. I have yet to sew anything impressive, baby steps.

Think human resources will judge me if I show up in harness boots?

New Year... already?

So I'm a little late to the party. Had to make my grand entrance you know! I have deep cleaned my house, including ridding it of junk food. Cleaned out clothes we no longer wear and pulled out the work out DVDs. I am ready!

Resolutions you ask? To be kinder and more forgiving. One of my major flaws is holding a grudge so I am going to work on that. Of course working out and eating better is on the list, but only because I resolve to do it and then never do!

I am going to post at least once a week. Not a big deal, I know. But when you are a sahm in a town where you know very few people it helps. I find when I get lonely if I post and then go read others blogs I feel more connected. As strange as that sounds.

I got nothing.

Nothing. No inspiration, no funny story to share.... NOTHING. I have never felt so unmotivated and blah in my life. It seems there has been a whirlwind of bad coming our way the past few weeks, and I would like to make it known we have had enough. Just in case the bad was waiting for us to say it. I would yell it, but the neighbors might not appreciate that.

Despite the bad, I know I am blessed. My family is beautiful and healthy, the hubs has a secure job, we have food on the table and a roof over head and a God that loves us mightily. That has been my mantra the past few weeks, and about the only thing pushing me through at this point. Hey whatever works, right?